Funny how I created this space and then neglected it right from the start. I've come to a shocking revelation recently - I can feel the person I used to be slipping away. Not in the growing up way, but rather the neglecting myself way. To say I don't like that is an understatement.
For those who know me this comes as no surprise. I used to pride myself on my appearance (not in a conceded way) and follow my 'gut' on things. It never led me astray. I would decide on a whim to go away and follow up by booking a plane ticket right then and there, going to work the next day notice in hand, go home and pack my things - all without knowing when or if I would be back. I would go to work one day and decide I've had enough of my current situation and apply for school which would start two weeks later, all because I didn't want to be added to a waiting list. I was a firm believer in never waiting for things, when I wanted something I wanted it now - if possible. Though I know sometimes waiting is a must, most times it is not.
As many of you unfortunately believe; things don't fall into your lap; you make them happen. You are in complete and utter control of your life. There is no impossible just simple lack of determination. Determination is everything. I have always believed that when you want something bad enough is when you will make it happen. I have heard mothers complain about having to go to work because they simply can't survive on one income - sure you can, you simply choose a lifestyle that requires two incomes. Hurtful? Sorry but it's true. There are always options it's just a matter of priorities. Those of you who complain about not receiving funding for school? Try a student loan, line of credit, grants etc. Life will not always present you with a free ride. Nor should it. If you want the education and the opportunities that go along with it - want it enough to fight for it. Want it enough to not give up on it only because someone won't hand you a free education.
There are things in life that I have always wanted and somewhere along the way I've lost sight of that. In the past few years I would make plans and they would fall by the way side because something or someone else would become a priority. No more. This is my life; the only one I have. I will from here on out make more of an effort to put myself first. Don't like my choices? I won't apologize because to be honest - I simply don't care. You no more ask for my opinion on your choices then I did of you. If I want your opinion, I'll ask for it. If I want my life to be your business, I'll make it so.
You can count on me having everything on my bucket list for the next 4 years. It will unfold here before your eyes. I have determination in spades and I intend to use it with a vengeance. I've seen my aunt (whom I miss on a daily basis) pass away at a very young age; I have seen my fair share of illness hit my family; all unexpected and I unfortunately seen each of these people miss out on living their lives the way they wanted. You shouldn't wait for your life to flash in front of your eyes before you decide to start living it - start today. Love yourself enough to live it today, tomorrow and every day forward. Don't look back. Don't regret anything. It's what got you to the person you are today. You cannot change the past but it's in your hands and actions to mould your tomorrow into whatever your heart desires.
"Give thanks for what you are now and keep fighting for what you want to be tomorrow."
- Fernanda Miramontes-Landeroes
