Appearances . . .

Boy; what a loaded word, but it pretty much encompasses a good chunk of what's going on inside my head right now. Since my journey to a thinner, healthier, more happier me has begun, I've taken a look at everything that effects my life. The people, things, habits etc. Eye opener really. I've made some tough choices, tough for me anyway, in this journey and one of those is to sever ties with those people who bring nothing, but the negative out in me.

Over the course of the past year (2011) I've been on somewhat of an emotional roller coaster. I would have extreme highs and then extreme lows. To be honest at first I didn't have a sweet clue as to what was causing such changes. Then I realized it was how I reacted to situations and people. I got tired of being used, taken for a ride, however you want to put it. I now get slightly amused at such things, but back then I let it upset me and effect me in a really big way.

I can't blame people for the roller coaster ride because I allowed for them to effect me that way, but I've thankfully realized what I was doing and have remedied the issue.

How many times do people contact me only when they want something from me? Quite often.

Whether it be a 'favor' or 'errand' or whichever word they tended to use at the time, it became ridiculous. I had no free time. To one person it didn't seem like a big deal, but when several people were doing the same thing, it became quite overwhelming. It got to a point where I began to resent the people around me because they didn't care how it was effecting me as long as I did the favor or errand.

Almost as if their life was so much more busy or their time more valuable.

I've said it before and I'll say it once more:

Just because I don't have children doesn't mean I don't have a life. It simply means I have a different one than you chose to have. I actually had someone look at me and ask what I had to be happy about because I didn't have children or a house. Well you know what? I have a lot to be happy about. I'm healthy and happy - are you? If I choose to have kids; great. If not - so what. Your goals in life are different then mine, it's not my problem if you can't accept that.

I'm not living my life to make you happy, I'm living it to make me happy.

Just because I don't choose to have 2.5 children, a white picket fence and a constant stream of the newest gadgets in my life, doesn't mean I can't afford to, it means I don't want the things you do.

I refuse to be sucked into this 'keeping up with the Joneses'.

I have decided to live for me, to make me happy. If I make a choice that you don't understand, that's ok too. You don't have to understand it, it's not your life, it's mine and I do understand why I do certain things.

So when you look at me, don't assume you know me, don't assume we're close and don't assume you know what's better for me then I do.

Assuming doesn't make an ass out of you and me - just you, because I'm not wasting my time trying to figure you out.

'Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means you've decided to look past the imperfections.' Unknown

-T-

Goals . . .

Yup I'm a sucker for them. I'm a planner like no other, but adaptable as well so it works. I have a planner that is my lifeline - everything goes in there and it makes me feel organized and well grounded. I have bunches of things going on and find it quite easy to just write things in there and that way I can forget about it. Well not really. I write reminder of things, if necessary, a few days before if the event takes any kind of preparation.

So for such a planner the start of a new year is about more then crappy, unrealistic, resolutions that get forgotten about mere weeks later. It means finding the things that I want most in life and having a semi timeline for them. And yes, I understand sometimes life happens and interrupts a well laid timeline, but we all need something to aim for. Obstacles are always able to be worked with or through. So for this year, my year, I have several goals.

Goal number one: to bump my store into the next and top sales bracket for our company. It was a hell of a ride through our Christmas season BUT;

Goal Accomplished!

Goal number two: Pay off all outstanding bills, but of course my student loan! This goal is set to be finished in the coming weeks upon receiving a fabulous, long awaited, income tax return!

YAY!

Goal number three: Lose weight! I topped a number higher then ever before there just before Christmas and it made me realize enough was enough. Around me I see family members doing it. Losing weight and getting healthy and it helped me realize that the reasons I was feeding myself were nothing more then empty excuses. So almost three weeks ago I rejoined the gym. I try to go five times a week and am proud to say out of the last 17 days I've gone 12 times - I'm sorry, but today is Valentine's Day and an extra cheat day! The first week I gained 4.4lbs - figure that one out. I'll tell you. I began drinking a whole lot of water, not changing my eating habits at all and I was hungrier than usual because of all of the extra exercise. I stepped on the scales earlier and have dropped the said 4.4 exactly, within the second week. I still drink all of the water, but have stop the constant snacking on junk food and take out. I have 27lbs to go by the end of June.

Work in progress.

Goal number four: Learn the things about photography that I need to know, but don't AND purchase the equipment I want. I'm currently working on the knowledge portion of this goal, the equipment is a logical follow up for a bit later in the year.

Work in progress.

Goal number five: Purchase everything I've been wanting for my apartment, but have delayed getting. Thanks to a fabulous last quarter at work I will be receiving a bonus which will allow me to purchase the largest two ideas I have left for this goal - a new king sized bed and tv for the living room. I also want artwork, frames, lamps, tables, etc. All things will be purchased within the next few weeks - shopping spree! :)

Work in progress.

Goal number six: Make a decision about buying/building a house. Though I would love to say I want to own a house by year end, it all depends on whether I want to buy or build. This one is still not set in stone.

Contemplating.

Goal number seven: getting my permit - again. I had this and let it expire. I know; tut tut tut tut tut on me, but I'm not at a point in my life where this is not a choice, but a priority.

Coming Spring 2012.

That is all there is to my list - easy smeesy right? Haha. I personally think this is going to take quite a bit of work, but I have determination in spades and a want to have these things that can't compare to anything I can put into words. I'll keep updating as I make progress.

Let's see how I do! :)