Invaluable . . . {6/365}

I believe we all have moments in our life in which it hits us as to how vulnerable we really are.

We're human.  Not invincible.  Fragile.

 

I had mine.

I had neck surgery 13 days ago.

It was an experience that made me reflect on things a little more clearly.

 

I'm a realist with a side order of optimism so I went into this knowing the surgery was necessary.

There was no avoiding it.

So I held my head up, plastered on a smile and went on about my day.

 

News of the pending procedure wasn't something I shared with many.

I didn't want the attention.  I'm so totally not an attention seeker.
I also, truly, didn't want to talk about it.
The decision was made.

I just wanted it to be behind me so I could get on with my life.

But some things could not be avoided.

 

Someone needed to know what my wishes would be if something were to go terribly wrong.

Did I want to be an organ donor they asked.

Would I be okay with a blood transfusion if need be?

 

I had no idea.

 

I'm 28 and healthy.

These are not things I had given much serious thought to.

I just didn't see the need.
And now I had no time to think; they all just wanted answers.

I got through it all with my boy by my side.
He was terrified and I refused to let mine show as to not make his fear worse.
I kept my brave face on until they strapped me to the operating table.
Then the tears flowed.
I couldn't leave them behind.
I needed to come out of this.
Once I woke up, I knew I could handle it from there.
I just needed to place my faith, trust and life in the hands of several incredible doctors.
I had never been so scared in my life.

And I woke up.
Everything hurt and I was nauseous.
But I woke up.

They gave me medication for the pain and nausea and the haze lifted.
I was awake.
I was alive.

I was never more relieved.
Pure ecstasy.
That's all I had prayed for.
It's all either of us had prayed for.

Upstairs I went to be greeted by the very relived faces of my boy, mom and grandma.

Determination kicked in.

I was going to get through this with flying colors.
I had seen my mom through so many things; I knew I had this.
I was the daughter of an ultimate fighter after all.

Less then 24 hours and I was sent home.

Things were stiff.
I was weak.
I was frustrated by my inability to move as I could be.
But I was alive and I was home.

I slept on the couch.
He slept on the floor next to me.
For 9 days.

I kept pushing myself.
Little by little.
I simply would not accept the lack of motion.

'It hasn't even been a week!'
'Let yourself heal'
'Don't be so stupid!!'
'Let me help you!'

I heard it all.
I pretended not too.

I knew my limitations.
I would just push a little more everyday.
Just enough so that the mobility came back without the need of the pain medication.
I hate medication.
I avoided it at all cost.

Within 5 days things had already started to heal over.
The stitches were stuck as a result.
How does one complain about healing too fast?

This girl didn't.

I continued to push.
A little every day.
I continued to eat whole foods.
Lots of water and juice too.
I was getting through this.

We're now at 13 days post op; there is little to no scarring and the bruising is almost completely gone.

I now sit awaiting the test results.
The results that will tell me if this is truly behind me or if this was truly just the beginning of my own personal health battle.

His fear is back.
Mine is not quite so strong this time.
After the past 13 days I have realized just how strong I am.
What I'm made of.
What I'm capable of.

Whatever those results bring; I know I'll come out the winner.
Because I'm the daughter of a fighter.
Because I have a man who loves me unconditionally.
Because I'm stronger then whatever those papers could hold.


'You never know how strong you are; until being strong is the only choice you have.'


-T-