As I lay here; my boy snoring softly beside me, I think about the upcoming week.
The week of new beginnings.
Fresh starts.
The week I get yet more test results back.
It's scary.
I'm prepared for it this time though.
Prepared for the ugly word.
Prepared for the overwhelming feelings.
What a lie.
Can one ever really be prepared for such a thing?
I'm not.
Not really.
I won't be as absolutely frozen as the last time.
But in no way am I prepared to hear that more of this ugly disease has invaded my otherwise healthy body.
I have too many things to accomplish.
Thanks to the last 6 months I've adopted a "wait for nothing" mentality.
I have always wanted to attend university.
I did the college route.
Wasn't the same.
It didn't give the same satisfaction.
Although it was time well spent.
I've always wanted to drive.
To own a house.
A new car.
Just to name a few of the bucket list items.
Monday begins the first day of my university journey; primary education.
Only those who know me best would know that this isn't something I pulled from thin air.
8 days from now I start driving school.
Tuesday I head back to work full time.
That house will be ours.
Merry Christmas 2014 to us.
2014 will be a year of big things.
Great things.
It will be our year.
The year we grab life by the horns and start living.
Because if this journey is teaching me anything; it's that life is precious.
Time is precious.
It is something I will never waste again.
On waiting for the 'right time'; there will never be a better time then now.
On waiting for someone to care; to show any more interest in your life other then what they can get from me.
I'm through waiting.
I'm through being used.
I'm through making someone else a priority in my life when I will never be one in theirs.
Want my help?
Want a favor?
Then be prepared to be involved.
In my life.
Don't like those terms?
Ask someone else.
I surely don't mind.
It's your loss; not mine.
Just remember when I say no; it's because of you - not me.
I will focus my attention on those I love; those who matter and make me feel as I too matter.
I will focus on us.
On living out our dreams.
Making sure each and every one becomes reality.
I will focus on him.
Of making sure he knows that I'll always be here.
That unlike everyone else; I will never become too busy.
Too caught up in frivolous things that he feels like a burden.
I will focus on enjoying life more then the pay check.
There will always be an opportunity to make money, to save money, but there won't always be a chance to live.
To enjoy each other the way we can today.
To live today.
As tomorrow comes; today is lost to us forever.
I want to exchange today for something great.
Memories with him, family and friends.
Moments to be cherished.
So as I lay here listening to him sleep, I plan.
For tomorrow, next week, this month and the eleven that will follow.
Call me over achiever.
Call me crazy.
But I'll look back on my life with a smile on my face and no regrets; will you?
"Live to win; dare to fail"
-T-
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